Many of us will know or have heard of someone who has been in an unhealthy or abusive relationship. Often we hear ‘why won't they leave’ or ‘I wouldn’t put up with that’ from those on the outside looking in. But few consider two other questions: how do you become a victim of intimate partner violence? And can you identify an unhealthy or abusive relationship even when there is no physical violence? Dr Susan Lagdon is a lecturer in Psychology at Ulster University and has been researching victim and survivor experiences of intimate partner violence for almost a decade. Susan explores the insights on these questions following her research and personal reflections as a daughter and mother.